The Real Micheal Myers

I watched Halloween last night for the 60th time.

 

My take away this year is that I need someone to recreate the behind the scenes of Michael Myers.

We need to see the footage of him giggling as he’s putting Bob’s glasses over his sheet-covered face and looking in the mirror to make sure it looks funny/scary enough.

 

And we need to see Michael’s slim-jim work on that locked Monte Carlo. We need to see him working quickly and looking over his shoulder for Annie. If Michael did anything quickly that didn’t involve killing, it’d be funny.

 

Remember how he hangs Bob’s dead-ass body in the closet so it’ll swing down when Laurie is forced to cry near the closet after she finds Lynda’s dead head in that dumb waiter shelf thing? (Michael really got lucky on that one) Yeah, we need to see Michael’s handiwork rigging that up. And you know it wouldn’t go as planned so we need to see him cursing under his breath and throwing the small roll of wire when he gets pissed off. 

 

I’d gladly pay $100 to see Michael cleaning up his sister’s headstone with a wire brush and some soap and water before setting that pristine stone in Lyndsay’s parent’s bed. And another $100 to see Michael struggling to lug it around while mumbling to himself “if any of this spooky shit is really worth fucking my back up again….”

 

And the carved Jack-O-Lantern next to the headstone. Yes, we need to see Michael carving it and placing it....just...so. "There. Perfect." He'd say.

 

You see that pic? Yeah, when his face fades in you hear him making that stifled laugh sound.

 

Finally, I think we’d all like to see Michael getting up off the ground in the yard at the end and fucking ssssssprinting away from the house before Loomis can see him. Full out sprint while dodging shit and slipping once in a while. And then, when he finally stops: bent over, panting and walking off the side ache. I think a quick spot of him stretching his hams for a few days after is in order as well.

If the community gives me $300-$500k I’m sure I can make this a reality and release it successfully. I’ll call it “Michael Myers: Silly Goose.”