Area Grandmother Finally Asked About Her Granddaughter While Wearing Her “Ask Me About My Granddaughter” Sweatshirt

Peoria, Arizona. Margaret Bloom was blind-sided Sunday when a fellow patron at the Old Country Buffet asked her about her grandchildren while she was wearing her “Ask Me About My Granddaughter” sweatshirt. “I didn’t know what to say,” said Bloom, “I was dumbfounded. What was I supposed to say? She is 3 and Emma is just a doll, but who would really care besides my family or friends?”

Bloom stated that she had worn the sweatshirt the last 2 years while Christmas shopping with no incidents, but she will not wear the shirt in public again. The patron who did the asking, Todd Ball, 22, offered his side of the story, “I have seen those damn things all over, ask me about this and ask me about that, I am just fed up with those things! So, I asked her. I knew she would get all weirded out, that is why I asked her, you know? Where do those people get off? Do you see me wearing an Ask Me About My Broken-Home-Childhood or Ask Me About My Lack Of Money Managing Skills shirt? No. How about that Ask Me About Helping Me Figure Out What The Hell I Am Going To Do Now That My Girlfriend Is Pregnant Again shirt. Nope not that either. So screw you Bloom, screw you and your damn sweatshirt.”

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I Hate Watching Sports

Waaaa! We Lost!

Game: a competitive activity involving skill, chance, or endurance on the part of two or more persons who play according to a set of rules, usually for their own amusement or for that of spectators.

The Smell Of Suckcess

Pope Upset By 2 Deaths In Stampede, But Not Upset About Priests Nailing Little Boys

You Know It Happens

Area Fox Outfoxes Area Man

Indianainapolis, Indiana. An area man was reportedly outfoxed by an area fox on the area man’s property Saturday. Lars “John” Holdingston was entertaining some friends on his lavish estate when a skinny, a very skinny, fox ambled out of the woods. At first everyone thought it was a caterpillar with a tail and only 4 legs, but upon closer inspection it became apparent that the skinny furry creature was a fox. Guests reported that Holdingston threw the fox cheese and summer sausage until his arm was tired and cramping. The fox then promptly buried the cheese and sausage until [her] arms were tired and cramping.

Holdingston and his guests realized that they had been had when the fox began making loud stifled laugh noises and glancing in the group’s direction. It seems that the fox, an area prankster, had posed as an underfed struggling victim of the economic downturn. The fox had simply taken a few days off of eating to gain Holdingston’s trust to “allow me to bury his sausage in my holes,” laughed the fox. This isn’t the first time Holdingston has been jollysnaggled, readers may remember when he purchased speakers that turned out to be total shit from two guys in a van.

Rap Stars and Oprah Inspire (part 1)

Truthz

Public Service Message

Thanks, But No Thanks

Next winter (fuck I hate winter) someone I know is going to try to convince me to do something that I do not want to do. I know this because this person has been laying the groundwork for the last 12-18 months. I won't go into who, what or where, but suffice to say that I have no interest in it. No interest in it. None. I have never even acknowledged it when this person brings it up. And they bring it up every other time I see them. When I was 7 I didn't mind people "trying to convince me otherwise". I usually took the advice because I either knew they were right, lacked experience in decision making, or was forced because I was 7. Now, I am not trying to toot my own horn, but at 37 something I can make some pretty good decisions, and believe me that is because of lessons learned the hard way. Which is why I find it annoying and slightly disrespectful when someone tries really hard (and by hard I mean by basically repeating themselves) to convince me into making a decision that I know would be a bad one. Allow me to give an example, hypothetical, of course.

Bob wants me to go bowling one night with him and his friend, Dracula. At night. I have heard, and I'll bet a brown bushel basket of garlic cloves that you have heard too, that Dracula is capable of some pretty nasty things. Well, I tell Bob "No thanks, I don't bowl." Bob counters by attempting to entice me with beer and with one of those hot dogs that stay warm by spinning around on metal rollers. I politely decline and change the subject. After a few minutes discussing his truck tires, he "asks" me again by saying "Why don't you just go with us this once, it will be fun?". I am forced to repeat myself by telling Bob that I do not bowl, and quite frankly bowling alleys have horrible franks and beer, frankly speaking. NO THANKS. But Bob won't let it go, "Dracula is totally cool, you will like him, and this bowling alley is HUGE, you have to see it!" No I don't Bob, I don't want to go. "Dude, once you see the building, you will be all like WOW! You were right! I love everything you do and all the people you hang out with, Dude, I am telling you, wait until you hear Dracula's jokes."

What Bob doesn't get is that he is making a bad decision. Oh sure, Dracula may be quite a nice undead these days, but it would be irresponsible of me to accompany them and I wouldn't have fun because I would be uneasy, to say the least, the whole night. He wants me to make the same bad decision based on Dracula's reluctance to bite him, and I am not interested in the risk/reward ratio in front of me. Finally, I have to let him know how I feel about being with Dracula at night. What do I get? "Aw man, he isn't like that. He used to be kinda murdery, but man he just likes bowling. And you will too!".

No Bob.