Un-Fucking-Believable

The dialogue you are about to read is true, not verbatim, but as close as I can recall. The names have not been changed because I didn’t need to protect anyone.

When I arrived at the gym at 11am on Monday I was shocked to see that the place was overrun with kids. First instinct was to cut and run, but I was already through the gate by the time I noticed. Actually, it was a pretty benign experience…until. Until, what I will call a “Center Of The Universe Syndrome” sufferer came into the weight room with his little friend.

I had just finished my 4th set on a bench and was sitting there, basically breathing and focusing in on Slayer on my ipod, when I noticed this kid (maybe a freshman) walk in and mill around, glancing in my direction and gesturing towards me while talking/complaining to his friend. I got up to get a drink from the fountain and had to walk past him. He stopped me and asked:

Mr. Center Of The Universe: “Hey, how many sets do you have left?”

So far - so good, that is good gym etiquette.

ME: “Three, but if you guys want to work in with me I…”

Mr. COTU: “Three!? Really!?”

Me: “…have no problem with letting you guys do that. My last set is a strip set. Yeah, three.”

It is considered good gym etiquette to offer another an opportunity to work in. I did.

Mr. COTU: “Three!?”

Oh fuck, I can‘t hold back. I know how this kid is, time to go deep.

Me: “How many sets are you guys wanting to do?”

Mr. COTU: “I don’t know, 5 or so.”

Me: “Well, I too will want to get in that many. Isn’t that weird?”

Mr COTU: How long will it take you!?”

Me: “OH! Well, Mr. Center Of The Universe, and I know your parents’ made you this way, so it’s not your fault, but you are going to have to wait. I would suggest that next time you either get here before me, or make arrangements with management that Mr. COTU needs to use whatever he wants, whenever he wants to use it.”

Mr. COTU: “Look, I was just asking.”

Me: “I know, and I told you. What was the Really!? and Three!? thing about? You asked and I told you. Got it? Most people do 5 or 6 sets, so why did you act like it was outlandish that I had three sets left? I know you are ultra important. Mommy and daddy have always said so, right? I am sure they pulled up as close as they could to the building when they dropped you off lest you had to walk more than 20 feet to get in here, right? You can wait or use the other one over there.”

Mr. COTU: “There is another one? Oh cool! Come on Kyle.”

Fuck Me. God help us all…