Burning Hot Sun

After I graduated college I took a management job at this shit hole industrial facility. There wasn't a single job for my major around the area, and I needed some scratch. I was the 2nd shift manager, 1:30PM to 10:30PM. I won't go into all the shit that went on right now as I will save each incident for its own entry, so I will focus on the Burning Hot Sun.

My boss “Jim” was the plant manager and the 1st shift manager; he was an idiot. Nice guy, idiot, and selfish prick, all at the same time. Also, he sweated like Harry Reid will sweat in the next election. Since this company is as close to forced labor in communist China as a company can get without being in communist China, they could only hire people who could barely speak English, were illegal (I only suspected), or just plain dumb. This company paid these people $8.00 per hour to work their asses clean off. My boss "Jim" was in charge of hiring - and I was short 5 people of the 16 that my shift needed. Jim's shift was short 1 person of the 30 that he needed. Jim had his 30 waaaay before he would hire even 1 person for my shift. Jim's shift was primarily women that folded and hung clothes, my shift was primarily men that unloaded and loaded trucks. Jim found me "a great gal" that could fold on my shift and had her staged in the conference room for me to interview. He hired for his shift first, and then sent me the rejects. This event was after about 13 months (of the 18) of working there and I had f-ing had it with Jim: He was lazy, inept, forgetful, stupid, and lied like a MoFo.

Jim: I got a great gal for 2nd shift for you in the conference room.

Me: Does she speak English?

Jim: Ummm...pretty good, pretty good.

Me: Jim, if she doesn't speak English - I can't have her on shift, you know that.

Jim: Well, she...she's pretty good. I just talked to her. (Jim would have to post, screen, and interview for each new position - so it was to his benefit that I hired her. Hence, "...she's pretty good." Jim's way of selling.)

I go in and introduce myself, I forget her name, but she was from Congo.

Me: Tell me about a time where your last supervisor was unhappy with your performance.

Her: Yes. Yes.

Me: Oh-Kay. What did you like about your last position?

Her: Umm...yes.

Me: Do you speak English well enough that you can communicate with everyone here? (I was now officially off-script)

Her: Yes. Paid very well.

Me: Do you want a tour? (We had to, even if we were not going to hire them)

Her: Yes, I like to work. Yes, paid very well.


So I take her around explaining our processes knowing that she hasn't a clue of what I am saying. Then I see Jim, the GM and a Management Trainee standing near the hanging machine. The hanging machine was a 50 foot long machine with 6 stations on it that allowed 6 people to hang shirts and pants, hit a button, and send them on their way.

I take Congo lady up near the machine where Jim, the GM, and our Trainee can hear what I am saying.

Me: This machine. (My arms were opened as wide as they could be) This machine is the Burning Hot Sun!

Her: Yes, oh yes. (smiles)

Me: This machine is responsible for all life (My arms were now in the air over my head) – it heats the earth, allows photosynthesis, and provides us with daylight!

Her: Oh yes! Yes. Work very well. (more smiles)

Me: Darn tootin’ it works well! This machine is very hot! (at this point a couple of the ladies that were working on the hanging machine were holding back laughs.)

We walk in front of Jim, GM and the now laughing Trainee and I say to Jim, “Jim, you're right, she does speak English pretty good, pretty good.”

The GM tore his ass for pulling that and then he made him hire her for his shift. She ended up pregnant after a couple of months. They all ended up pregnant after a couple of months because now they had insurance. I don’t know what makes people so anxious to procreate, are they that bored? Eventually, I got my shift staffed, but only after Jim was brilliantly forced out of the company, fired from a sales job for Inability To Take Direction, fired again from a car dealership, and then drove a truck for Schwann’s Frozen Foods where his son-in-law worked. I took a real job a few months later…and rode off into the burning hot sun.

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Aw shit, I will throw this in too:

I interviewed a guy one time and he arrived, and this is no shit, in flip-flops, ripped jeans, a “Nascar” jacket that had every color imaginable on it (What is with Nascar and EVERY color?), and a Budweiser hat.

I sent him packing right there and explained that he would have to present himself in a more respectful way in order to be interviewed. He apologized and vowed to return the next day if I would give him the chance. Since I was desperate, I agreed. The next day he came in wearing a suit; a nice suit. He interviewed flawlessly and I proceeded to send him in for a drug screen and called in to get his background check started. Since he told me that he had no felonies, I figured he could start in about a week.

It turned out he had 2 felonies, and when he called to protest, he told me that they were 3 and 4 years old and that was the "old him". Doesn’t matter, felony equals no hire, period.

3 or 4 months later I recognized his name in the paper. It seems that on the Fourth of July he discharged an illegal (to him) firearm within the city limits at a friend. He didn’t try to shoot the friend, just shoot at him. The friend corroborated this. That is what $8 per hour will get you, or in this case, didn't.